Make no mistake, I am a city girl

I think I was the victim of bullying today.

I was having a stressful day in the office (like any other day) and needed to get out for some air. I work in the middle of a park so I took my lunch and set off on a stroll round the lake. Whilst admiring the lovely flora and fauna and thinking very bad thoughts about various people I work with, I spotted some little baby ducks quacking on the water. I got out my sandwiches and as I don’t like eating crusts (yes, I know my hair will never go curly if I don’t eat my crusts – that’s the whole point) I threw bits of crust to the little baby ducks. Within a millisecond, I was suddenly surrounded by the whole duck, geese, swan and pigeon population of the UK. They were all there, right in front of me, behind me, hovering above me, walking around me, all looking at me with their nasty evil eyes. I’ve always been unnerved by birds. I think it’s something to do with their eyes and how they don’t blink – they just stare like some psychopathic mass murderer. They all encircled me like a renegade gang out for blood and bread.

I panicked, screamed, threw my whole sandwich at them and ran away. The two Goths sitting on a bench nearby looked unamused. I went back to my office, bought some soup and ate it at the safety of my desk. No more nature for me.